The Beauty of Cybersex? (or lack of it)

What happened to the good old days, when sex was a pleasurable experience, a physical and affection intimacy shared between couples who loved one another? Casual sex, a focus more on physical rather than emotional satisfaction, has become increasingly common nowadays. It lacks the emotional ties that come with relationships - sex without any commitment or ties may sound appealing, and for a lot of people it can seem very attractive. Because we are often brought up to see sex outside of a long term, serious relationship as wrong, we develop a sense of casual sex being more exciting, a feeling that it is naughty or an act of rebellion that can be very appealing. It is also made easier by the fact that the majority of the time both parties are aware that the sex is not going to lead to a relationship and are therefore more likely to be able to relax and just have sex for the pure pleasure of the actual act.

…. And then came the Internet. Now, you will imagine pornographic sites to be filled with men, driven by their addiction to sex, driven by the fact that they have a 24hour excess to naked women engaging in sexual intercourse with other men or women, and even more intriguing, are able to be aroused by words typed in these sexual ‘group discussions’. Believe it or not, women are also using the Internet to satisfy their sexual desires and yes, the majority of them are cybersex addicts. Like men, these women view and distribute pornographic pictures and videos, participate in sexual chat rooms and virtual locations, where their sexual activities are suggested by their viewers, and also engage in cybersex.

But we must remember that women, the more sensitive of the two species, tend to want romance and relationship out of their sexual activities, and that is why women will prefer participating in sexual chat rooms where they can relate instead of accessing pornographic sites which are more commonly used by men. The Internet has made it easier for women to seek sex online. For one, it eliminates metacommunication cues such as tone, facial expression, and body language. Secondly, it allows others to hide personal information like their age and they can now exert their power both sexually and relationally and turn themselves into another person, altogether.

So to what extent is sex in cyberspace safe for these women? The Internet can be thought of as a healthy space for women to express their sexuality but for those who are insecure about their physical attractiveness and seek the Internet for fantasy sexual activity and relationships, the Internet can quite damage their psychological and emotional health. As a woman, it is important to have a healthy relationship with our partners as opposed to those we have online. Physical touch and physical bonding, such as noticing, attraction, touching, creating intimacy, and commitment (Carnes et al., 2001) are some of the things that the Internet hinders us from experiencing. On the other hand, those who have no problem with their self-confidence off the fantasy world of the Internet will more likely engage in casual sex. In this case, cybersex is the perfect way to avoid sexually transmitted diseases, and that I might say, may be the only beauty of sex in cyberspace.